Similarly, it is frustrating to constantly have to nag a child to do something when the child is old enough and responsible enough to initiate carrying out the task himself. Initiative comes with independence. When a child feels secure and is mastering tasks appropriate for *his age, he feels good about himself and his march  towards independence.  This independence allows him to be actively “present” and to live life with a purposefulness as opposed to merely performing tasks by rote.

Whereas obeying rules and following instructions were once extremely important in schools and the workplace, creativity, imagination and initiative are now the attributes that are highly valued. 

As parents (and it also applies to teachers) we have the tricky task of providing guidance and instruction to our children, but not too much. There must be enough room for our children to learn by experiencing their own mistakes and by discovering what motivates them. When children have too much external pressure they do not have enough room to discover their own natures and interests. All expressive mediums  (writing, drama, art, dance), contribute to the process of individuation and self- discovery and consequently enables our children to act with initiative.

*substitute her for your daughter

 

Cheeky? I don’t think so. I prefer to think of it as spunky. (With a good sense of humour).

 

It seems fitting, in these times of global crises that affect every one of us, and can shake and alarm our sense of stability, that we consider what makes our children resilient. Obeying rules without question? Fitting in and
going along? Learning because they have to get a job sometime? Ignoring conflict?

No. The ability to bounce back from adversity requires a person to be able to be creative, imaginative and flexible. It requires a person, when necessary, to feel deep insecurity and perhaps, from time to time, grief, loss and fear. The strength to endure these emotions gives us the strength to move through them.

The more we allow our children to feel, think, and speak, the more they can revel in their own unique selves.
However, as both a parent and a teacher I know that this is not an easy task. To invite a child show her varied colours does not always please us. But then a child should be free to use her energy to discover her being, rather than only to please others.

Creative expression (writing, acting, playing) gives our children a much-needed additional outlet in this process of self discovery.
*substitute he/his for your son

 

They invent the most improbable, fantastic stories that make perfect sense to them. Maybe the mermaid has a pet squirrel – and maybe the squirrel is sometimes able to live under water and the mermaid is sometimes able to move around on the land; maybe the girl protagonist can talk to the animals, whether it is the dolphin that lives in the ocean near the hut she lives in, or the silverback gorilla (I didn’t know about the silverback - all my students are stunningly knowledgeable about animals and like to be specific in their classification) in the nearby jungle; or maybe there is a fairy nurse who befriends a sick cat and together they go on a journey full of wonderful characters and creatures, maybe even to an alien land …..

They are not interested in adapting their plot lines or body language for an audience. That stops the creative flow and anyway the audience should be extraordinarily impressed with their inventiveness and, well, THEM.

This is how it should be. During this play time (structured and challenged by the teacher), they are learning about themselves and their emotions; they are learning conflict resolution and pondering dilemmas; they are extending their imaginations and creativity and verbal skills and they are gaining confidence in themselves. There could not be a better base for those children who want to pursue theatre in later life, because their future theatre skills will then be based on authenticity and a solid sense of knowing who they are; and there could not be time better spent for children generally, because their honesty and selfknowledge will stand them in good stead when they are required to face the challenges that life presents to us all.

So remember – although the results of playtime are not measurable (like solving math problems), play may be the most important activity your child engages in.

 

Hank (the sidekick) is also terrified. But he pulls himself together and gets himself onto the stage. He admits to his audience that he has never been so scared. The audience cheers wildly. They are on his side because they relate to his predicament and exposing his vulnerability has charmed them. He is self-deprecating and the audience loves him.

He is required to do it a second time because his boss is still sick. His success, however, has gone to his head and he is over-confident and obnoxious. He ruins the show and the audience practically boos him off the stage.
I have students whom I help with private school and university admission interviews: enormous pressure is
placed on candidates to act with confidence and to be relaxed. Of course that makes sense, and it is nice if it is
possible. But for most people interviews are stressful times. I think too much emphasis is placed on being polished and smooth and not enough on being authentic and naturally engaging (see above).

Studies show that interviewers form lasting judgments about you within the first four minutes (or less) of meeting you. There is nothing worse than encountering forced humour or someone oozing over-confidence. This doesn’t mean that interviewers enjoy sullen, glum or withdrawn people; but on the whole they see through artificial veneers.

I teach my students techniques to control nerves, project their voices, articulate well, and prepare answers to
common questions. But I also tell them that if I had to choose between a candidate who talks too fast but is full of vitality and curiosity and a candidate who enunciates perfectly and smiles on cue (but is dull) I would choose the first.

Remember: personhood first, techniques second!

They are astounded to hear about the year I lived on Big Balcony at my boarding school, exposed to the wind and rain (and how I would store my school uniform at my feet overnight so that it would be warm when I wriggled into it in the morning). They are both horrified and intrigued that I bit a girl in Grade 5 when she and two others pinned me down on the ground, for no apparent reason other than to exert power and how, instead of breaking my spirit, I suddenly felt rage and bit the girl whose arm was closest to my mouth (and was later shamed by the teacher).

 

Stories like these guarantee an engrossed audience and enormous curiosity: they help children make sense of the world and of their own lives. Stories help children deal with difficult emotions and also shows that life can be filled with great joy and beauty.

Words have enormous power. As a Speech & Drama teacher it is my job to ignite a passion for words and
stories from which come meaning and insight. Children can work through their own feelings of powerlessness when confronted with Roald Dahl’s protagonists who are nearly always ruled by evil and manipulative adults (but who also always demonstrate feistiness and intelligence in order to survive); they identify with Ramona in Beverly Cleary’s wonderful series of books when Ramona is always getting into trouble and being misunderstood even when she has such good intentions. It happens to us all!

Poetry, plays and novels all tell stories but in different ways. They have the power to motivate, comfort,  nstruct, illustrate a different point of view, and make us laugh and cry. They broaden our world, sharpen our senses and extend our imagination.

So remember: read aloud to your child and tell your own stories - you are teaching the subject of life, perhaps
the hardest and most rewarding subject of all.

Sometimes children find this difficult because the teacher has assigned a subject the child does not easily relate to. This is why I ensure that my students decide what they want to write about. Usually they have lots to say when they are enthusiastic about a topic. I also ensure that I get to really know the child—not just his interests and hobbies, but also the many facets of his personality and how he sees and relates to people and events in his life. Encouraging and validating his world point of view results in an enthusiasm to communicate.

 

Which brings me to another reason why students can be reluctant to add details to their writing: they don’t really see the point of writing in the first place. Once the understand that writing is just another form of talking and communicating with people and is an important and rewarding form of self-expression, the details start to flow.

Writers must also be keen observers—they need to notice life around them and their responses to it. Reading and writing ability is linked—improvement in one skill, also improves the other. Any writing class must also include reading. The more the child understands himself, the more he understands the wide variety of characters he encounters in his reading and will also be able to describe complexity in characters.

Noticing details in life (visual, auditory, tensile, taste) allows the student to automatically want to include them
in a story—to paint a picture that is complete for the reader.

Writing should be a joyful activity for the child and I hope he would have an eagerness to express his thoughts,
feelings, opinions and observations with humour, insight and truth.
Substitute she/her for your daughter

The vivid colours, the heat (from both the sun and water) and the bliss of those carefree days of childhood summers will remain with me forever - as only childhood memories, etched into our consciousness, can.

 

I also clearly remember being given an English assignment in Grade 6 – I was to write about a summer holiday using as many adjectives as possible and I wrote about Coromandel. Although I didn’t know why, I did know that the piece of writing I submitted was awful. Yes, it had the adjectives, but a soulless, contrived piece of writing it was.

If only a teacher had invited me to write of my experience, to get in touch with my senses, to encourage my enthusiasm and tap into my natural expressiveness which was lying in wait. Instead I was given an EXERCISE which had nothing to do with me.

Children are full of stories and delight and tragedy and passion. And too often misguided adults ignore what is
lying in wait and impose exercises which dull creative expression and diminish the child’s expressiveness – the
very thing that will bring success. So remember – the more adults encourage what’s already there, the better!

My son was a late reader and there is much debate about the best way to learn to read (phonetics versus whole reading). But I am particularly interested in those older children who read well but not deeply.

 

I often encounter the situation where a school teacher has assigned a book for a class to read which is too advanced for a student I teach: NOT because the vocabulary or sentence structure is too difficult, but because the child is not able to relate to or understand certain situations/dilemmas in the book. This might be, for example, not understanding why a character reacts to another in a particular way (in anger or confusion …). The character’s reaction might be outside of the student’s experience and capacity to comprehend.

Drama can help; creating and developing stories, exploring emotions and reactions, discussing characters,  magining new situations ….all this encourages self-knowledge, develops imagination and deepens reading comprehension. Parents can help too. Reading aloud to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Not only is snuggling up with a book a great bonding time between parent and child, it also gives you a wonderful opportunity to communicate a love of language and stories and to talk about the complex (hopefully)  ircumstances in the book.

 

On a practical level, employers are increasingly wanting young people who are independent thinkers and can bring enthusiasm and originality to their work rather than valuing the now old-fashioned attributes of learning rules, obeying superiors, and regurgitating information.

Of course schools encourage socialization; especially for sensitive children, the stress of always accommodating others, working in groups and pleasing the teacher, can be high. Parents tend to idealize youth and forget that difficulties are part of life from day one. The push/pull of individuality versus socialization, resolving inevitable conflicts with friends and playmates, surviving a teacher that doesn’t like them, enduring playground taunts and tussles, are all part of life at school.

Parents need to find ways to reduce these tensions. The more space and time a parent can give a child to explore *his individuality and creativity outside of school, and the more time a parent can give to listen to their child’s troubles, the more freedom the child has to discover and explore himself and his own interests.
*substitute her for your daughter

 

We want our children to talk with us so that we know what is happening in their lives and can support them with their decisions and problems. But we also want them to feel cherished and loved. This requires trusting encounters with parents in order to provide our children with a solid foundation for secure and expressive lives. We talk with our children when they have problems, when they require instruction, when they ask us questions ……but in order for a child to feel nurtured, we must initiate individual time (it doesn’t have to be a lot) to talk or play with them on their terms. We must communicate that we choose (among the myriad tasks of the day) to be with them.

Giving them our undivided attention and understanding their perceptions and feelings makes a child feel safe and strengthens the bond between the two of you. (If your child is feeling more restrictions or stress than usual in day to day life, extra close time with you can help diminish frustration).

Remember:

• initiate individual one-on-one time with your child
• give undivided attention and contact
• understand their feelings and perceptions